The Neighbor, the Wine Glass, and the Wake-Up Call
“Howdy neighbor, welcome to our cul de sac!” exclaimed my soon-to-be neighbor as he and his wife stood on their lawn, holding what looked suspiciously like Chardonnay.
I had been wondering what kind of people I’d be living next to as I pulled into my new driveway, right beside theirs. For a moment, I felt like I’d driven into a scene straight out of some Hamptons weekend retreat—people casually drinking wine outdoors, just cos.
I waved back, exchanged a few pleasantries, and did my due diligence as a newly arrived suburbanite engaging in small talk (something I’ve always disliked). Truthfully, my mind wasn’t in a great place that day—though that’s a story for a little later.
He told me he’d just installed a new home theater in his media room and was stepping out for a quick glass of wine before heading back in. My instant assumption: tech guy. Probably works for the same big company I do—after all, the entire East Side was full of us techies.
Within a month, he’d be the same person who, while watering his lawn, asked if that was “the wife” moving out of the house. I nodded yes. He didn’t say much, but the look said enough. For the next few years, I avoided him—and most of my other neighbors—until I eventually remarried.
Fast forward several years.
Out of the blue, I get an email from him. He wanted to meet for coffee. I was curious—and honestly, a little puzzled. We’d barely spoken all these years (it’s easy to go years avoiding people when your job starts early and ends late).
We met at a café nearby, and what followed was one of those conversations that completely blindsides you.
He had been laid off—well before layoffs became a corporate hobby. And he was going through a divorce.
There were two things that stuck with me from that day.
1. The Career That Never Moved
He’d worked at the same company as me for over fifteen years—as a software tester. Same level. Same title. Same routine. He’d never thought about his career beyond the paycheck.
While I felt bad for him, I also thought: he’s lucky he lasted this long. Most companies would’ve either forced him to improve or quietly moved him out. He’d been hit by the double curse—a bad management chain and a lack of self-driven growth.
Looking back, that conversation planted a small seed in me: never get too comfortable. Don’t let time replace the need for self directed progress.
2. The Financial Cliff
Then came the real gut punch. He was almost bankrupt.
His soon-to-be ex-wife had apparently embraced her midlife crisis in full form—“body work,” a new Mercedes convertible, and a wild Beverly Hills inspired shopping spree.
He still had payments left on his five-year-old SUV that was now worth half its value. The divorce would drain whatever little savings they had. And with no income, the math didn’t look good.
He’d spoken to another neighbor—someone who also worked at our company—who told him to talk to me. “He’s a manager,” they’d said. “He’s also been through a divorce. He’ll understand.”
Truth is, I didn’t have much advice. I just shared what had happened in my own divorce and suggested he look outside the company for roles. Internally, the position of Software Test Engineers had already been phased out years ago, replaced by a more technical role: Software Engineer in Test. His job title had quietly gone extinct without him paying any attention.
I think about that conversation sometimes—especially when I see motivational clips floating through my feed. Recently, it was Angela Lee Duckworth’s Grit TED Talk.
And I couldn’t help but think of him.
It’s easy to go through life believing consistency equals stability. But without direction, consistency just becomes inertia.
Grit, as Duckworth puts it, isn’t just about perseverance—it’s about purpose. You have to know where you want to go, to have the will to keep going.
That neighbor taught me something I didn’t realize at the time:
Comfort can quietly bankrupt you long before your finances do.
For #ELF#
Stories to Remember 
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